Monday, December 27, 2010

Raiders of the Lost Gift - a Holiday Recap

First off I have to say my brother made this the best Christmas ever by announcing his engagement to R. She is absolutely amazing and will be an awesome sister-in-law. We love her and think the world of her. So much so in fact that when M. and I were Christmas shopping we were talking about what to buy for her and discussed buying her an engagement ring and just telling my brother he had to marry her and didn't have a choice in the matter - we just want him to keep her. :)

The way he announced the engagement was hilarious. He was talking about how he picked R. up and took her to the zoo to see the zoo lights this year and when they got there he "found a twenty dollar bill on the ground how great is that right? Oh yeah then he asked R. to marry him and she said yes." I was so happy!! I think I posted it on Facebook from my cell phone before they could! Ha! Only by a few seconds though.

NOW on to the "lost gift" ha. When we were Christmas shopping we texted my mom for a shopping hint for my stepdad. She told us to buy him the movie Christmas Vacation - he loves Chevy Chase. Well, that is funny because that is what we bought him last year - in fact we bought him a gift set of all the vacation movies. SO, we texted her back, 'Mom - we bought him all the vacation movies last year."

She texted back to us, 'Are you sure? We can't find it anywhere.'

We emailed her a picture of him opening the gift, title blatantly showing and him smiling from ear to ear. She responded with a text asking, 'Well can you email a picture of us putting it away because that would be super helpful right now. LOL'.

The family get-together at my father's house brought a wonderful new joke from my brother's now FIANCEE! (She was the girlfriend still at the time though but anyways - I love the joke so I will share it here):
Did you know the Black Eyed Peas used to be known just as The Peas?
Then they met Chuck Norris

She is so awesome! Ha - I laughed so hard. Turns out my stepmom had no idea there was such a thing as Chuck Norris humor which led to my brother and me having a back and forth with Chuck Norris jokes for the next hour driving everyone insane (feel free to share your favorite below). It was a blast. The kids think Chuck Norris humor is hilarious because we explained it to them one day when their dad had terrible gas and we were all trapped in the car with him. He was farting something awful - practically melting the car windows and it wasn't even helping to roll them down. (I told the kids they had melted.) FInally unable to stand it anymore I said "Sheesh I bet even Chuck Norris is afraid of your ass." and they laughed the rest of the way home then asked who Chuck Norris was.

Back to the holidays... D. was in heaven at the dinner table at Grandpa and Oma's house because we hold hands for prayer there and he was seated next to R. My brother's now FIANCEE. :) He thinks she is beautiful.
Dinner was also interesting in that we had spent a long time lecturing the kids no talking about farting, burping, or any other body functions at the table as it is inappropriate LMAO and then my stepmom sat down and started talking about giving her dog Rachel Ray dog food to regulate her digestive system so that she would poop normal. OMG LOL both kids were snickering at me because I had told them not to talk about poop at the table. I heard about it later. It was funny though.

They both told Oma and Grandpa they wanted snowman poop for Christmas next year trying to get a rise out of them. They are so silly. Then we all started giving D. advice about impressing girls. So while the advice was flowing I let this gem fly, "Yeah D. and if you put a sock in your pants be sure to place it in the front." - My dad almost spit his drink out.

So carrying along the theme of inappropriateness at my prompting the three knee story got told. :)

Oma tells them, "DO you know when your Uncle M. was a little boy he told me that he had three knees? Yes he did. He said R. I have a right knee, a left knee and a wienee."

The kids fell over, peals of laughter echoing through the room. Their faces were red and they were gasping for breath.

But then she followed with, "And you mom - she told me she wanted me to have a baby so I should poke holes in the condoms. She didn't know your grandpa shoots blanks." THank goodness my kids don't know what that means! LMBO!!!

Christmas Eve open house with M.'s family was fun - I love the NOG. Not egg nog - special recipe NO NAME NOG. Made up of vodka, chipped ice, whipped cream and limeade. THere may be more stuff in it. It is really good. I had several glasses of this holiday goodness and was full of bright spirits and cheer!

Christmas Day we opened gifts at home then went over to open gifts with M's family. It was a good time. There was a big surprise and a wonderfully funny Broken Lizard reference. For any Broken Lizard fan who would get it by some unusual circumstance I ended up with something in my pocket and YES it really does feel like what Michael Clark Duncan says it feels like in the movie Slammin Salmon. The movie quote is, "It feels like a third _____ in your pants." (Well how many _____'s does he have? OMG LMAO) EMAIL ME at if you want a further explanation - not appropriate here.

Day after Christmas we went to my mother's house which is where I found out about my brother's engagement (HOORAY). Also we had more wonderful family time. We played Wii. We also played some jokes on each other. My sister gave my brother (manager of Graeter's Ice cream) a Coldstone Creamery gift certificate. I gave my stepdad a sock monkey jack-in-the-box. My stepdad gave D. something that looked like a dead blackbird. It may have been plastic or taxidermied NOT SURE and not brave enough to get close and examine it yet. He gave L. a bowl of rubber eyeballs. It was hilarious watching both kids reactions to the gag gifts. Their faces were priceless. I also got to have some yummy egg nog with Kahlua in it!

I loved seeing my niece too. At 15 months she is adorable and so much fun to watch. I wrapped her gift in shiny paper and it was fun seeing her hug the present and carry it around all over not wanting to open it just wanting to play with the pretty wrapped box. Kids are so cute!

My mom teared up when she opened the gift from me that I got for free from Collette at Raw Arts Letter Press. The giveaway was sponsered here: We Covet but she sent me a smaller one when she saw my entry. IT was absolutely beautiful and wonderful and when I graduate with my degree in psychology and I am going to buy more for my office. Here are a few photos of the amazing stuff she sent, including the Winnie the Pooh quote one I gave Mom:

I hope everyone else had a lovely holiday as well - no matter which version you celebrate! :)


  1. You know... Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

    Sounds like your holiday was awesome. Congrats on adding a (likable) member to the family! :)

  2. When Chuck Norris jumps into the water. Chuck Norris does not get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

    The Holidays were a fun, busy, tiring, and happy time.

    Glad we were able to fix the van belt with out a tow, that would have been bad. Darn snow drifts.

  3. This post made me laugh. A lot. Thanks.
    Chuck Norris is the bomb dot com.

  4. What fabulous family fun! Love the NOG, sounds full of good cheer! Congratulations on the engagement!

  5. Sounds awesome and I just have 1 question? How do you feel about your brothers fiance? LOL
    I want the recipe for that eggnog. Sounds awesome!

  6. Congrats to your bro. It's good that you all like her. I found out this weekend that my sister got engaged too. I haven't really met him but, unfortunately, she's the only one in the family who seems to like him so far.

  7. AWESOME post! And I love the part about sending a photo where the gift was put away, now THAT is pretty good! ha ha ha!

  8. Glad you like the fiance. There's nothing worse than a crappy fiance!
    The prints are terrific! I would love something like that too, but my family gets me appliances...sigh...

  9. Thanks for visit my blog... like the way you write..
    makes me thing a lot expressions gramatic, terms, every country have your and here i learn every time a little more the sense of humor are diferent from Brasil but for me sounds not so i get the feeling, I think so.. I wish you a happy 2011 to you your family, friends and readers, much happiness and humor always.

  10. what are the chances that you stumble upon my Chuck Norris post after you posted something about him. Good times.

  11. What a fantastic happy post...Congratulations to your brother. Hey I got the Chuck Norris joke even though I'm from the wrong side of 'The Pond' and old...feeling very pleased with myself now.
    I came by to say hello and to thank you for visiting my last post. I really enjoy blogging and sharing my world but it is made so much more pleasurable by sharing my thoughts and experiences with super people such as yourself. When I first started this I had no idea that I would meet such wonderful people who I feel have become Blogworld 'friends'. So thank you for all your visits and your kind comments, all of which have served to encourage me further.
    I am looking forward to coming back time and time again here... (am I a blogoholic?)
    I'll take this opportunity to say thank you once again and to wish you the happiest of new years. May 2011 be a fabulous year for you.
    My sincerest wishes.
    Carol - got a little lump in my throat now:)

  12. Thank you to everyone for the congrats and for letting me know when I make you laugh! :)

  13. Congrats to your brother on the good news. Liking any new addition to the fam is soooo important for all involved. And I your hilarious elder, she German? Just wondered. My mother in law is called Oma by the littles in the family and she is German.

    Happy New Year!

  14. Hi Kimber! I'm here to present you with the Life Is Good Award! You may pick it up on my post, here: Life Is Good

  15. finally clicked over. been all mia and shit.

    hysterical! my husband's brother got engaged (and then married and then procreated) with a total d-bag, so be lucky you like the sis in law. very very lucky.

  16. This was hilarious and beautiful. Thanks for sharing with us and Happy New Year.