Saturday, February 5, 2011

You Wanna Give Me a WHAT?

So, last Saturday I fell on the ice. It was a BAD fall that resulted in me going to the emergency room and spending quite a long day there. Let me tell you about that!

In the emergency room - the orderly looked like a young Judd Nelson (not so bad), there was a guy walking around that looked like a homeless pirate (poofy white shirt, black pants and boots, gold hoop earring, but he was dirty, wearing a ripped knit cap, fingerless gloves and carrying a starbucks coffee), and a guy that looked like Santa Claus in a train conductors outfit and this was ALL WITHOUT DRUGS! LOL I thought I may have been hallucinating from pain but others saw it too and confirmed it! I was not dreaming it.

So - they begin their assessment of me. My right hand is swollen and bruised, my left leg is swollen and bruised from my ankle all the way to my hip and pelvis. The doctor ordered x-rays after masochistically doing the routine poking, prodding and asking does this hurt after making you scream a few times.

They take me to the x-ray room and we start with the hand. That was not fun - I could not get my ring or pinky finger to touch my thumb like the x-ray tech wanted me to - they had to actually move it for me. Luckily at this point the ice Judd Nelson had gotten me was kicking in so I was pretty numb to being moved around - but it still hurt pretty badly. Next came the leg x-rays. I was so swollen it was incredibly hard to move from the bed to the x-ray table. They took the x-rays of my ankle, my knee, my hip and pelvis as well as a few shots of my ankle to my knee - all from different angles. I almost passed out a few times. It was excruciating. I did my best to focus on staying quiet and just moving the way they needed me to without passing out. I know there were tears pouring down my face and they were actually repelled at how bad the sprain looked. They were being very careful with how they touched me and moved me around. The bump on the side of the ankle that is naturally there was swollen out and people kept commenting that it looked like I actually had two of those bone bumps on one side. Then we got me back onto the bed and wheeled me back to the emergency room.

We find out nothing is broken (YAY) but that sprains and bruised bones can take longer to heal and be more painful than breaks (not so yay). Next comes the fun part. They decide to try to give me something called a COCKUP.


Yes you heard me right...the doctor wanted to give me his cockup.

Apparently that is the name of a wristbrace. ha ha ha The only reason I could possibly ascertain for this is that once you have it on it traps your hand in the position a man would potentially be holding his hand should he want to masturbate. (Yes I have a dirty mind - Dad, Mom - if you are reading this sorry - but seriously how else would you rationalize calling something that goes on your hand a cockup?).

So, they go searching for the cockup and they also wrap my ankle and put it in an aircast. They decide I also need crutches and to keep my weight off my ankle BUT WAIT - since my wrist is sprained too I can only use ONE crutch and will have to just do the best I can to get around and keep my weight off my leg.

So, they can't find the cockup in my size and call upstairs to see if the orthepedist will give me his cockup. Nope - he didn't have the right size either so they decided to custom make a wrist splint for me - which ended up being a partial cast. They CASTED my wrist.

While we were waiting the nurse got us some food - which was really sweet. I would have starved otherwise I think. She was really sweet. I don't how she kept a straight face telling me how everyone wanted to give me their cockups and all. But anyways eventually they got me into my wrist cast too and I finally got to go home.

That is not the end of the story though....

I navigate through the icy, treacherous week on one crutch. Trying not to use my hand too much. Staying off my leg as much as possible since my official diagnosis is sprained wrist, sprained ankle, sprained knee, and sprained pelvis, with possible bruised hip and bruised bones in all aforementioned areas I go to my college classes on the days when they are not cancelled and keep my leg propped up on pillows as well as my hand. I type one handed when on the computer and try to limit my texting as much as possible. Thursday - the long day at my college was the worst - I almost passed out at one point from the pain and exhaustion of it. It was a terrible day. In fact it was a terrible week. Pretty much everything hurts. The injuries hurt extremely bad but then the muscles on the other side of my body hurt because they are compensating extra hard trying to move me around on the crutches being used in ways they are not used to being used. It is making me grumpy and over-emotional. I do not like not being able to do things for myself - I am EXTREMELY and TEARFULLY grateful to the friends that have come over and visited or helped out and to the friends who have called or emailed to check on me or chat. I am also grateful to the friends at school who have offered to take notes for me or help me navigate from class to class or carry things for me. I am also grateful the friends who have agreed to meet me on campus and carry my lunch tray so I will be able to eat - even though classes were cancelled and it didn't happen. Thank you to everyone!!! I still need that help keep it coming. I am overwhelmed by how you are there for me and I appreciate every second of it and I won't forget it ever. You are really showing me who my true friends are. The kindness is really appreciated right now.

SO, my follow up with my family doctor rolls around 6 days later.
I have been on my feet too much. The wrist is still too swollen. She cannot tell if there is ligament or tendon damage in either place. She gave me nasty painful shots to reduce swelling. She told me I need to be on TWO CRUTCHES, and wrote me a prescription for .... A COCKUP. LMAO She told me I would need to go in so the pharmacist could fit me for it. HA HA HA is a cockup something insurance pays for? Really? When I got to the pharmacy apparently it is something you can just buy over the counter.

Why does everyone think I need a cockup?

Anyways I am sorry I haven't been on much. I have still been reading everyone's blogs but haven't been responding much because typing is hard and it hurts.

Maybe after I have had my cockup a while I will feel better? Who knows? Who doesn't feel better after having a cockup for a while?


  1. I'm sorry that you've been in so much pain, but I will tell you that I ALWAYS feel better after a cockup, so rest assured. Relief is on the way.

    a bitch called mom

  2. Sorry to hear about your accident. Hope you're feeling better soon. :)

  3. Sorry that you got hurt, but umm yeah who would call it a cockup. You think that they could have come up with a better name.

    Got to love friends who are willing to help when your down.

  4. I don't know what to say about your injuries except I feel badly for you but I have to admit that this made me laugh, a lot. Sorry.

  5. dbs - laugh away! No need to be sorry at all - it made my day. There is nothing I love more than making people laugh. I figure I might as well let something good come from the entire debacle right? LOL Glad to make you smile. :)

    Thank you to everyone for commenting!

    Mrs Hyde - I hear ya!!

    Stacy - thank you so much!

  6. You poor thing! Thank goodness your sense of humour is still intact! I really hope you get better soon and you get regular cockups to keep you going :)
    Many cyber hugs

  7. Oush! I hope you feel betetr soon. If I had a cockup, I would give it to you! LOL

  8. Holy cow Batman! When you do it you do it up right don't you? I was beginning to think you'd been sucked into the black hole of higher edumacation never to be heard from again! I hope you're feeling better by now and healing up.

    Oh and remember that if you use your cockup for more than four hours to seek medical attention immedicately.... BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry I just couldn't resist!

  9. Hey Kimber! Sorry I missed you on the way out of class today- I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get everything in order for Spring registration and graduation. Why is the deadline for EVERYTHING March 1? I would like to know! ;) Anyway, just let me know if you need any help, any time on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I am usually free before and after class and would be happy to help you to and from class. In the meantime- REST REST REST!!! If you're not in the process of getting to and from class- avoid moving at all costs! You sound quite broken, and you don't want to make it worse!!! Feel better! <3

  10. Oh and I'm pretty sure Stacy McKitrick is my friend Stephanie's mum. Stephanie and I had German class together for several years at Sinclair. Haven't had the pleasure of hanging out with her much since I've been at WSU but we still run into each other from time to time. She's a happy, funny, lady and always has great things to say about her mum, the writer! :) I wish we would have kept in touch!

  11. It's been a while for me. After hearing of the impending "Cockup" I would have asked if the doc was at least good looking.
    Sorry to hear about your fall. Sounds so nasty!

  12. I believe it's called that because when your hand is in the splint, the fingers usually point up like the comb on a rooster. But I'm not sure which instills less confidence in the patience - calling it a cock-up or a rooster brace.

  13. Oh my! I'm so sorry to say that you had me chuckling through this and I felt so guilty, knowing you were in pain. I do hope you feel better, cockup or not!