Raiders of the Lost Gift - a Holiday Recap

First off I have to say my brother made this the best Christmas ever by announcing his engagement to R. She is absolutely amazing and will be an awesome sister-in-law. We love her and think the world of her. So much so in fact that when M. and I were Christmas shopping we were talking about what to buy for her and discussed buying her an engagement ring and just telling my brother he had to marry her and didn't have a choice in the matter - we just want him to keep her. :)

The way he announced the engagement was hilarious. He was talking about how he picked R. up and took her to the zoo to see the zoo lights this year and when they got there he "found a twenty dollar bill on the ground how great is that right? Oh yeah then he asked R. to marry him and she said yes." I was so happy!! I think I posted it on Facebook from my cell phone before they could! Ha! Only by a few seconds though.

NOW on to the "lost gift" ha. When we were Christmas shopping we texted my mom for a shopping hint for my stepdad. She told us to buy him the movie Christmas Vacation - he loves Chevy Chase. Well, that is funny because that is what we bought him last year - in fact we bought him a gift set of all the vacation movies. SO, we texted her back, 'Mom - we bought him all the vacation movies last year."

She texted back to us, 'Are you sure? We can't find it anywhere.'

We emailed her a picture of him opening the gift, title blatantly showing and him smiling from ear to ear. She responded with a text asking, 'Well can you email a picture of us putting it away because that would be super helpful right now. LOL'.


The family get-together at my father's house brought a wonderful new joke from my brother's now FIANCEE! (She was the girlfriend still at the time though but anyways - I love the joke so I will share it here):
Did you know the Black Eyed Peas used to be known just as The Peas?
Then they met Chuck Norris

She is so awesome! Ha - I laughed so hard. Turns out my stepmom had no idea there was such a thing as Chuck Norris humor which led to my brother and me having a back and forth with Chuck Norris jokes for the next hour driving everyone insane (feel free to share your favorite below). It was a blast. The kids think Chuck Norris humor is hilarious because we explained it to them one day when their dad had terrible gas and we were all trapped in the car with him. He was farting something awful - practically melting the car windows and it wasn't even helping to roll them down. (I told the kids they had melted.) FInally unable to stand it anymore I said "Sheesh I bet even Chuck Norris is afraid of your ass." and they laughed the rest of the way home then asked who Chuck Norris was.

Back to the holidays... D. was in heaven at the dinner table at Grandpa and Oma's house because we hold hands for prayer there and he was seated next to R. My brother's now FIANCEE. :) He thinks she is beautiful.
Dinner was also interesting in that we had spent a long time lecturing the kids no talking about farting, burping, or any other body functions at the table as it is inappropriate LMAO and then my stepmom sat down and started talking about giving her dog Rachel Ray dog food to regulate her digestive system so that she would poop normal. OMG LOL both kids were snickering at me because I had told them not to talk about poop at the table. I heard about it later. It was funny though.

They both told Oma and Grandpa they wanted snowman poop for Christmas next year trying to get a rise out of them. They are so silly. Then we all started giving D. advice about impressing girls. So while the advice was flowing I let this gem fly, "Yeah D. and if you put a sock in your pants be sure to place it in the front." - My dad almost spit his drink out.

So carrying along the theme of inappropriateness at my prompting the three knee story got told. :)

Oma tells them, "DO you know when your Uncle M. was a little boy he told me that he had three knees? Yes he did. He said R. I have a right knee, a left knee and a wienee."

The kids fell over, peals of laughter echoing through the room. Their faces were red and they were gasping for breath.

But then she followed with, "And you mom - she told me she wanted me to have a baby so I should poke holes in the condoms. She didn't know your grandpa shoots blanks." THank goodness my kids don't know what that means! LMBO!!!

Christmas Eve open house with M.'s family was fun - I love the NOG. Not egg nog - special recipe NO NAME NOG. Made up of vodka, chipped ice, whipped cream and limeade. THere may be more stuff in it. It is really good. I had several glasses of this holiday goodness and was full of bright spirits and cheer!

Christmas Day we opened gifts at home then went over to open gifts with M's family. It was a good time. There was a big surprise and a wonderfully funny Broken Lizard reference. For any Broken Lizard fan who would get it by some unusual circumstance I ended up with something in my pocket and YES it really does feel like what Michael Clark Duncan says it feels like in the movie Slammin Salmon. The movie quote is, "It feels like a third _____ in your pants." (Well how many _____'s does he have? OMG LMAO) EMAIL ME at kimber@kimberleszczuk.com if you want a further explanation - not appropriate here.

Day after Christmas we went to my mother's house which is where I found out about my brother's engagement (HOORAY). Also we had more wonderful family time. We played Wii. We also played some jokes on each other. My sister gave my brother (manager of Graeter's Ice cream) a Coldstone Creamery gift certificate. I gave my stepdad a sock monkey jack-in-the-box. My stepdad gave D. something that looked like a dead blackbird. It may have been plastic or taxidermied NOT SURE and not brave enough to get close and examine it yet. He gave L. a bowl of rubber eyeballs. It was hilarious watching both kids reactions to the gag gifts. Their faces were priceless. I also got to have some yummy egg nog with Kahlua in it!

I loved seeing my niece too. At 15 months she is adorable and so much fun to watch. I wrapped her gift in shiny paper and it was fun seeing her hug the present and carry it around all over not wanting to open it just wanting to play with the pretty wrapped box. Kids are so cute!

My mom teared up when she opened the gift from me that I got for free from Collette at Raw Arts Letter Press. The giveaway was sponsered here: We Covet but she sent me a smaller one when she saw my entry. IT was absolutely beautiful and wonderful and when I graduate with my degree in psychology and I am going to buy more for my office. Here are a few photos of the amazing stuff she sent, including the Winnie the Pooh quote one I gave Mom:

I hope everyone else had a lovely holiday as well - no matter which version you celebrate! :)

What Being an ADHD Parent is Really Like

Being the parent of an ADHD kid is different than parenting a child who focuses quicker and doesn't latch onto things or hyperfocus. We are also judged as being bad parents already by a lot of the general public and the prejudice makes us supersensitive so when our kid melts down in public it makes us want to resolve it quickly and easily as possible so we develope stratigies for handling things that do not make us look like jerks, idiots or bad parents for that matter. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.

L. is adorable MOST of the time. When she gets in a tantrum and hyperfocuses on whatever wrong has been done her she can be impossible to shake from it. There are good days and bad days and when a bad day hits - it hits hard.

A few strategies that USUALLY work with her and fit with her personality are:
1) Take out a cell phone or camera and take her picture - she loves modeling or pretending to model and is a total camera ham. Usually she will stop the tears or screaming and put on a huge smile snapping out of the "ugly" behavior to Diva it up and be gorgeous. Plus she loves attention and this fills the need. It is a good quick fix if we are in public.

2) Video tape the tantrum - same reason as number one. She does not like to look less than her best. She hates to be caught acting not nice. Especially if I say I am going to show the video to Grandma or Santa.

3)Whisper. Intead of yelling or getting angry I talk to her but I whisper what I am saying so that she can't hear me. I make my voice very soft. I say things like "I think it is just awful you are having such a bad day." or something nice I know she would want to hear and just loud enough I know she CAN hear it and would want to hear more but she would have to quiet down to be able to hear more.

4)Ignore it - the tantrum is happening because she wants attention if you ignore it she is not getting what she wants and it will usually die off within a short period of time. If not we isolate her to her bedroom for a short period of time until the inappropriate behavior settles down.

5) Some other form of redirection - use humor, do something bizarre or funny like make a face or be silly or tickle her to give her a small amount of attention to make her laugh and temporarily divert her attention.

TODAY at her doctor's office NONE of these strategies worked at all. She did not want to go out in the cold to go see Dr. G. (He is one of her ADHD doctors.) She also did not want to even get out of bed this morning. She was just having a grumpy day.

When people see parents carrying a two year old over their should like a sack of potatoes it is kind of cute - they nod their heads in sympathy thinking oh that poor baby is tired - I have been there, done that. But what do they think when they see them doing it to a nine year old? I think I want to cry. Hide my face in shame and embarrassment. BUT I keep on my happy face encouraging her to put on her listening ears and behave better so Daddy doesn't have to do that to her anymore!

When we finally get in the building and people are staring and wondering what is wrong with us she decides that in this room full of crowded people she is going to jump up and down on the chairs bouncing them into one another. NOT ACCEPTABLE. Both of us asked her to stop she did not listen. We said "STOP or we will MAKE YOU STOP." She did not. Hubby gently grabbed her shoulders pulled her off the chair and sat her down. She started screaming that he hurt her. I saw what he did. Everyone in the room saw what he did. HE DID NOT HURT HER. She howled the and cried unconsolably. Never mind that she had been sending the plastic chairs flying all over the crowded room into other people sitting there waiting with us. He did not hurt her. He simply made her sit down. There was no spanking, no slapping, no violence, no yelling, no temper, no forcefulness. HE simply sat her down.

Yet she sat in the psychiatrists waiting room screaming "Daddy hurt me, Daddy hurt me." and sobbed uncontrollably. A few people snickered. A few stared. Others shook their heads. Some whispered amongst themselves. I wanted to shout at them "SHE IS NOT A BAD KID AND WE ARE NOT BAD PARENTS - she gets straight A's at school - she is creative and beautiful and has limits. We are only treating her as her behavioral counselor instructed us too."

I shook my head and wanted to cry myself. I got angry at hubby for not handling it better - maybe asking her to use her energy jumping up and down on the floor away from the chairs or something. Choosing the battles better. Then mad at myself for getting mad at him. Then mad at her for embarrassing us so bad. THEN worried Children Services was going to think we abuse her and take her away even though we didn't do anything wrong at but simply because she is still sitting in a public place screaming at the top of her lungs "Daddy hurt me." A tear falls but I wipe it away and put the smile back trying my hardest to stay postive with her and snap her out of it.

Accounting called our name. L. said "I am not going I am going to sit her for an hour." Some people laughed out loud at this proclamation.
I sent hubby back without us. He went back and paid then came out with her slip to take upstairs to the doctor area. I tell him to go on without us that L. is still going to be sitting there for "How many minutes?" I ask her.

"51 minutes" she answers.

He says okay and goes on up to the doctor area.

I sit there quietly a few minutes watching her tantrum. I love her so much I just want to hold her and comfort her but the behavioral counselor says that would be rewarding the tantrum and that is not okay. It kills me not to hug her when she is so upset. So I try another tactic.

"L. you know Dr. G. loves seeing you every month. He is really going to miss you this month."

"I don't care. I am not moving for 53 minutes."

"WHAT?" I say with a giggle "Not fair - you made it go up - five minutes ago it was only 51 you made it go up. Besides I have a magic clock and it says the hour is already past and it is time to go up there now."

"NO YOU DON'T and that is not going to happen."

"Come sit by me."

"I am not going to sit where Daddy sat he hurt me."

"I don't think he hurt you. I think he embarrassed you. I don't like what he did, I think he could have handled it better but I don't like what you did either I am mad at both of you. You were knocking chairs into people and hurting them and that is not okay. Daddy needed to do what he did to stop you. That part was necessary. You don't want to hurt people do you?"

"No"

"Then you should come upstairs with me and tell daddy you are sorry."

"No"

"Okay. Well - I am still mad at you both. BUT even when I am mad - I still love you. Very much. So much it hurts."

"Can I have a piece of gum?"

"I don't have any with me. You know what. I think you need to get your butt upstairs for your doctor appointment"

"Okay - I love you mommy. I think I should tell daddy I am sorry."

"I think so too."

So she came over took my hand and we went upstairs for the doctor appointment. Just like that - at the exact time when her meds kicked in.

That is what it is like to be the parent of an ADHD kid. Does that make me a bad parent because she behaved that way. How would YOU have handled it? I don't feed her excessive sugar and she does not drink soda or eat a lot of junk food. She loves salads and drinks a ton of water. She would choose fresh fruit over a cookie any day. I had her tested for food allergies and all sorts of things AND we did a year of behavioral counseling before we decided to medicate. We do the minimal medications necessary to give her control over her behaviors and we do not do it because we are lazy parents. There is a lot of prejudice against ADHD parents out there. I know this because before I had L. I didn't even think ADHD was real. I was one of those prejudiced people. Now that I have had first hand experience as well as some college classes on it I know that it is real. I have grown and learned. Don't be judgemental or harsh - do some research into what the disease actually is. I have gone back to college to learn about it and to be able to help other kids like L. and their parents. I have learned patience and better parenting strategies that will work with any kid not just the ones that are different.

Even though it is challenging sometimes it is always rewarding. I love her so much. I feel like it has been a blessing in disguise because I am closer with my kid because of it. We have better communication - she talks to me about how she is feeling and I pay closer attention. I want to know and not only because I am worried about potential side effects from medicines but because I am relieved the meds haven't turned her into a zombie. She is so full of life and energy and such a creative fun little person. I see so much of myself in her. She is independent and intelligent and even though I have always seen that in her it has been wonderful getting her to where she is able to express that to others. I know more about her moods and what is going on with her because of this as well.

Because of her ADHD she also has a counselor she can talk to every two weeks or so about things going on in her life while she is growing up. Adolescence and life is hard enough without one - I am hoping her life will be easier because of having someone she can share the harder things about it with. Hopefully she will grow up to be more well adjusted than a lot of us did. I am grateful she shares everything with me too for now, I hope that will always continue.

So go ahead - be prejudiced - call me a bad parent I dare you. BUT in my heart I know the truth. I may not always be the most patient, I do set limits and stick with them, her tantrums before the meds kick in may annoy you if you happen to see one when we are in public, I do get frustrated sometimes and I don't give in and give her everything she wants but you know what? My kid knows she is loved - even when I am angry - and that I will always be there for her no matter what.

Sew, now what?

I love doing creative things.   Maybe I should rephrase that.  I love ATTEMPTING to do creative things.

I have always loved to write.  I love to attempt to draw too.  I have tons of the "How to Draw _____" books.  Manga is one of my favorites.  Once I even drew a fairly decent portrait of my dog sleeping.  Another time I drew my daughter's face near perfectly.  I have even painted fairies pretty decently.

Over the years I have also found that I enjoy cross-stitching  (I started a beautiful design to make a wall hanging for my daughter - I need to find it so I can finish it!) and of all things quilting.  BUT in all honesty I have only ever finished one quilt and it was a simple single panel one I made for my daughter and I probably couldn't have finished it without the help of my dear friend Anna.  My grandma taught me to quilt and since her death I have in all honesty been working on a grandmother's garden quilt to honor her memory.  It is going beautifully and I really do mean to finish it... one of these days... honest! I love making the individual fabric "flowers" that get sewn into the quilt - they are so pretty.

Anyways, in highschool we learned how to use sewing machines and I made myself a pair of sweats.  I decided I loved sewing and ATTEMPTED to make myself more clothing after that but never succeeded.  I would get halfway through a project then get busy with something else and forget about it.  

WELL, (yes all this rambling has been leading up to a point) in the past my daughter has noticed me mending a pair of pants here and there or working on a flower for the quilt or something.  Recently through very sad circumstances I came into possession of my own sewing machine.  I am extremely grateful for the machine but would much rather have the person it belonged to back in our lives.

 SO (or sew ha ha ha) My daughter starts asking me, "Mommy, how DO people make clothes.  I mean, do they just sew them together or what." Her questions became VERY persistant.

To sate her curiousity on black friday we stopped at Joann Fabrics to I could show her what a pattern was rather than me to try to explain.  High school was a long time ago, if you know what I mean.  As I have only really used one all the way through ONE TIME in my entire life I figured showing rather than telling was definitely the way to go.    Well, the patterns were on sale for 99 cents each and the fabric was pretty cheap too so we bought some.

Today when she got home from school, since it was raining and not much else going on we decided to tackle the project head on.  The pattern we used was a "Simplicity, Project Runway" dress pattern.  Let me say SIMPLICITY MY BUTT!  HA!

Anyways after 2 hours I seem to have gotten most of the pieces cut out of the fabric correctly.  Tomorrow we attempt to cut out the rest.  Then I will probably have to call someone to come show me how to thread a bobbin.  (Hey don't make fun of me - at least I know what the thing is called!  Let's hope I don't come out of this a bloody mess!)

 My daughter is happy as long as I let her keep the sparkly purple scraps of material we are not using. 
When I asked her what her plans were for them she replied, "Oh you know, when I learn to sew I am going to sew them together into something.  Like a hat maybe."

Wish me luck!  My preteen son is sitting here laughing at me reading as I type and he just corrected me that he should be referred to as a tween!

Please help me!